tomorrow will mark my fourteenth day of being here in the city. i’m beginning to feel at ease in my own skin. i don’t love chicago, i don’t love my apartment, i don’t love the way of life here… yet. it will take some time getting used to- i'm fully aware of that. but i am amazed at the amount of potential lies within my fingertips. the city is alive. alive with hurting people, yearning for truth and love… alive with art, architecture, and history… alive with food and cultures from all over the world. my heart is open to falling in love with this place, and i can sense the city entertaining my thoughts from afar. little by little, it’s creeping itself into my being, and i’m allowing it. i want to love it here. i want to love the people here. i want my feet to feel free to roam and my hands to feel free to create.
long gone are the days of waking up 5 minutes before class, putting on a hoodie, and running to make it on time, only to find myself mindlessly taking notes and still getting an 'A'. these classes require you to do the reading beforehand, make quality contribution to the conversations, and ask valid questions to show interest and enthusiasm. this takes a considerable amount of concentration and focus, not to mention strength and courage to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. but this is the very thing that makes my heart feel alive, apart from the love of god and the action of serving another human being. this field of study is exactly what i was made for.
today, on the train, i found myself sitting by this middle-aged man that appeared pretty average in appearance- brown hair, black pants, briefcase. as soon as i turned to talk to him, he stood up in order to give his seat to an elderly woman who was stumbling down the aisle. the train was packed with people, who evidently didn’t notice her (as i didn’t, either, b/c i was focused on the man). as the woman took the space previously occupied by the gentleman, she muttered a breathless, “thank you” in an accent i couldn’t distinguish. this simple act by the man caught me off guard, and i found myself glancing around to see if anyone else noticed it. the thing is- no one looked up. no one was moved in their daily routines. nobody paid attention. they all seemed focused on their books, crosswords, and ipods. the man wasn’t thrown off, either, because he went back to doing his sudoku puzzle, even while standing in the middle of the crowded aisle with a briefcase in one hand, and a pen in the other. not only was i amazed at his startling balancing skills, i was encouraged at his humility. never once did his eyes dart around the crowded train to see if anyone was looking. this seemed “normal” for him. but friends, it isn’t. it just is not something you usually see- a stranger helping someone else who will probably never have the chance of paying back the kindness… or is it? am i too focused on my to-do lists and agendas and plans of not getting lost, in order to notice mere acts of kindness? or, more importantly, to see the people in need? to see with the very eyes of god and feel with his heart? am i too busy for that?
yesterday, a good friend surprised me and came to visit for the day. i hadn’t seen him since the day i left tennessee (august 16th), and i had no idea he was here until he called me with plans to meet within the next hour. it was so fun to be surprised! to see the face of someone i love so much, in a city of unfamiliarity, along with all the mental baggage i felt was loaded upon my back… was absolutely priceless. for just a few hours, i felt like i could breathe again. my mind felt free. my heart rejoiced. laughter came naturally. the thought that this city is going to get the best of me disappeared… and was replaced with the idea that this city has a lot to offer. and in return, i have things to bring to the table as well. good things. and i have a lot to learn. he will probably never understand how much his presence meant to me. how that memory will be forever engraved within me. but i do.
paying for meals, giving seats to others, speaking truth, loving the unlovable, and being willing to act. i pray my life will consume more of this.
long gone are the days of waking up 5 minutes before class, putting on a hoodie, and running to make it on time, only to find myself mindlessly taking notes and still getting an 'A'. these classes require you to do the reading beforehand, make quality contribution to the conversations, and ask valid questions to show interest and enthusiasm. this takes a considerable amount of concentration and focus, not to mention strength and courage to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. but this is the very thing that makes my heart feel alive, apart from the love of god and the action of serving another human being. this field of study is exactly what i was made for.
today, on the train, i found myself sitting by this middle-aged man that appeared pretty average in appearance- brown hair, black pants, briefcase. as soon as i turned to talk to him, he stood up in order to give his seat to an elderly woman who was stumbling down the aisle. the train was packed with people, who evidently didn’t notice her (as i didn’t, either, b/c i was focused on the man). as the woman took the space previously occupied by the gentleman, she muttered a breathless, “thank you” in an accent i couldn’t distinguish. this simple act by the man caught me off guard, and i found myself glancing around to see if anyone else noticed it. the thing is- no one looked up. no one was moved in their daily routines. nobody paid attention. they all seemed focused on their books, crosswords, and ipods. the man wasn’t thrown off, either, because he went back to doing his sudoku puzzle, even while standing in the middle of the crowded aisle with a briefcase in one hand, and a pen in the other. not only was i amazed at his startling balancing skills, i was encouraged at his humility. never once did his eyes dart around the crowded train to see if anyone was looking. this seemed “normal” for him. but friends, it isn’t. it just is not something you usually see- a stranger helping someone else who will probably never have the chance of paying back the kindness… or is it? am i too focused on my to-do lists and agendas and plans of not getting lost, in order to notice mere acts of kindness? or, more importantly, to see the people in need? to see with the very eyes of god and feel with his heart? am i too busy for that?
yesterday, a good friend surprised me and came to visit for the day. i hadn’t seen him since the day i left tennessee (august 16th), and i had no idea he was here until he called me with plans to meet within the next hour. it was so fun to be surprised! to see the face of someone i love so much, in a city of unfamiliarity, along with all the mental baggage i felt was loaded upon my back… was absolutely priceless. for just a few hours, i felt like i could breathe again. my mind felt free. my heart rejoiced. laughter came naturally. the thought that this city is going to get the best of me disappeared… and was replaced with the idea that this city has a lot to offer. and in return, i have things to bring to the table as well. good things. and i have a lot to learn. he will probably never understand how much his presence meant to me. how that memory will be forever engraved within me. but i do.
paying for meals, giving seats to others, speaking truth, loving the unlovable, and being willing to act. i pray my life will consume more of this.
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